The word "change" can have different meetings for different people, depending on where they're at in their lives. On some days, change can be exciting and invigorating. It can re-energize you. On other days, it can be scary. It can make you panic and send you running for the hills. In either case, change is about stepping out of your comfort zone and experiencing growth.
Since losing Dave almost seven years ago, my life has been in a constant state of change - some of those times were more uncomfortable than others. I went from having a partner always there to being alone, a dual-income relationship to a single one, being Mom only to being both Mom and Dad to my son... just to name a few changes. Those were abrupt and uncontrollable and I had to adapt quickly. With other changes I've had more control over, I've done my due diligence before making any rash decisions. One change in particular that occurred almost two years ago had to do with my professional development.
It was in September 2021 when I made the decision to step out of my comfort zone and into the learning zone (sometimes known as the panic zone) when I accepted a new job offer. After 16 years with my former employer (somewhere I thought I'd stay until I retired) and careful consideration, I came to the conclusion that it was time for me to pursue another opportunity. Why did I make this decision? Well, to be honest, I found myself feeling more irritable and less fulfilled with the position I was in. My job had become stagnant and I no longer felt like I had the opportunity to do my best work. I learned that the people who I thought had my back and supported me didn't. In addition, there was no longer a clear growth path for me within the company. I took an inventory and made a pros and cons list, and with all of these things in mind, I made an educated decision that in the end, was best for not just me, but my son, too. And let me tell you, it was hard. There were days I drove home almost in tears wondering if I had made the right decision. I felt fear. Fear that I wouldn't be able to do the work well. Fear that I wouldn't catch on quickly. Fear that I wouldn't fit in with my new team.
Fast forward to the present day and once again, I am embracing change and selling my house. The first house Dave and I bought together, the house we brought Parker home to from the hospital when he was born, the house we made memories in, the house we made ours. It's also the house Dave passed away in, and although I made a lot of changes to it, it's not somewhere I want to stay. Even when Dave and I bought it, we knew it was meant to be a starter home - not somewhere we would be forever. The decision to sell has me overcome with mixed emotions, and the tears start flowing at the drop of a hat (I'm talking major ugly crying), but I know deep down in my soul that this is the right decision and will allow me and Parker to continue to heal and grow.
Regardless of how uncomfortable I have felt during these seasons of change, I am incredibly grateful because those moments have helped me grow into the person I am today. Those moments challenged me and forced me to raise my vibration. Those feelings of fear, albeit scary as hell, pushed me to be better. It pushed me to evolve and become a better version of myself. And I know I made these decisions the right way. I carefully assessed the potential outcomes of said decisions, as opposed to making a rash decision. My decisions weren't fueled by emotions - they were made based on facts - and I still stand by them.
I'll close with this: when you're starting to feel overwhelmed and fearful of failure, my advice to you is to fight the response to flee from fear and instead, face it head-on. Learn and grow from the outcome of it. I speak from experience when I say the good that comes from change outweighs the bad.
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