Note to readers: I started writing this post at the beginning of April, so while this may be a little outdated considering Michigan’s stay at home orders are officially lifted, I believe the message is still relevant.
This is certainly a strange time for all of us as we navigate being under quarantine thanks to good ole COVID-19. Everyone has something unique to them that they are coping with, and some of us are grieving some type of loss during this pandemic. Some are grieving the loss of a loved (either from COVID-19 or something else) and they have not been able to properly say goodbye. Some have been fired or laid off from their jobs and are grieving the loss of employment. Students at all levels are grieving the loss of their school year and potential milestones like prom and graduation ceremonies. Teachers are grieving the loss of seeing the smiling faces of their students Monday through Friday. Others are grieving the loss of their daily routines and rituals. Maybe you live by yourself in complete isolation and have been grieving the loss of some level of human connection. Some are also homeschooling their kids and are probably grieving the loss of their sanity. We all have our own version of the “upside down” that we are living in, our emotions are heightened, and we’re all just trying to figure out how to keep on keeping on the best we can.
Being quarantined – while I have been doing everything I can to keep myself busy and my mind occupied – I personally have been grieving not having my person here for additional love and support. My grief of losing my husband Dave has stirred up from the dark crevices of my mind and run me through the gauntlet of emotions since mid-March when my daily routine went out the window. There has been a lot of tears shed and F-bombs dropped. At times, my patience has worn thin. I’m drinking a hell of a lot more. I went from working from home with a Kindergartener who is off of school, to being laid off with said Kindergartener, to going back to work full-time from home and homeschooling the Kindergartener, all while trying to figure out how to get us back on a “normal” schedule – whatever the hell that means. It has been quite the circus. And I know there are a lot of parents out there who can relate. Being a single parent who is working full-time remotely while also trying to home school a tiny human is exhausting. Not only that, but there are only so many conversations you can have with a 6-year-old throughout the day. It makes me more excited than I probably should be to have a day jam-packed with conference calls because that means I have an opportunity to talk to other adults about something other than who my favorite character in Star Wars is (it’s Han Solo, in case you were wondering).
Social media has exasperated my feelings of grief and loneliness during lock-down. I see my friends on Facebook, posting pictures of things they’re doing together with big smiles on their faces while quarantined with their families, and I won’t lie, I feel a pang of jealousy. Why? Because I miss my person. I miss the companionship of another human being. I miss having another adult in the house who I can spend time with. I miss the physical touch of someone, and something so simple as cuddling up next to that person on the couch while watching a movie. Instead, never have I ever felt so unbelievably lonely. I miss Dave every damn day, but during this pandemic I miss him something even more fierce, and being forced into more extensions of stay at home orders has allowed the feeling of loneliness to set in deep within my bones. Honestly, it’s really no wonder to me that so many people out there are struggling mentally and emotionally during this pandemic. In fact, according to Psychology Today, a forced quarantine can have psychological effects on an individual, including, but not limited to:
Anger
Depressive symptoms
Emotional exhaustion
Frustration
Helplessness
Hopelessness
Irritability
Numbness
If this pandemic has proven anything to me about grief, it is that grief is not linear. It is cyclical, and the ebb and flow of it can get really messy. On some days, it can make you question your sanity. It can make you question whether you are on the right path in life … or a resemblance of any kind of path at all. I know it has certainly done that to me multiple times over the last few months. So, how can we be resilient in a time when it seems like everything around us is going to hell in a handbasket? Here are just a few things that have helped me personally:
Gratitude. I recently completed a 28-day gratitude practice (which will be the subject up an upcoming blog post very soon) and it was life-changing. It is amazing how the simple act of being grateful can have such a profound impact on your mood and daily life overall.
Meditation. This is not the first time I have brought up the practice of mediation as something that helps me navigate my way through grief. As I continue to strengthen my mediation practice, I have connected with myself on a deeper, more spiritual level. While living in quarantine, I have taken some additional time to go deeper into processing my grief so I can continue moving forward and making space for other things to come into my life (you can expect me to go deeper into this in a future blog post as well).
Grief group support. Luckily, I have been able to participant in a couple virtual grief group support calls with some lovely ladies who also happen to be widows. Even though there are times when I feel alone, talking to these ladies and listening to what they are experiencing reassures me that I am not alone, that my feelings are valid, and that support is always available.
My tribe. My tribe is made up of family members and friends who I know I can count on. I am thankful and blessed for the amazing people I have in my life because they show up and provide support for me whenever I might need it and consistently surround me with love … and I do the same thing for them.
I hope that things will start to get better now that Governor Whitmer has finally lifted the stay at home orders and is starting to allow businesses like restaurants and retail establishments to open back up. I hope that we start to feel joy and happiness as we can meet more often with family and friends. Most of all, I hope that we can come together during these distressing times in support and understanding of one another so we can start to feel love and healing across the world.
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