While 2020 may have been a dumpster fire of a year with more downs than ups than most of us would've liked, I’ve previously shared that it was a year of personal growth for me. From my ongoing grief journey and struggles with Parker and his behavior, to putting myself out there and starting to date again and finding myself so I am the best version of me I can be, I’ve come a hell of a long way. Starting last March, I became healthier both physically (crushed my weight loss goals) and mentally (focused on having an attitude of gratitude and strengthening my meditation practice), I became more comfortable being on my own so much so that I’ve come to realize that I thoroughly enjoy it (and I'm not made about it), and I set necessary boundaries for myself and learned to say ‘no’ to things so I could (and will continue to) make space in my life for things that help me achieve my greatest potential. Now I’m not saying this to toot my own horn or anything (toot, toot), but when other people notice and tell me I am “killing it” and they are proud of how far I’ve come, that means something to me because it is reassurance that I have and am continuing to make the right decisions for myself and my well-being, decisions that ultimately expel toxic situations and people, and negative things from my life so I can make room for positivity and what truly matters to me. Like Marie Kondo says, "Does it spark joy? If it does, keep it. If not, dispose of it."
With that said, allow me to make myself very clear… I have worked too hard and come too far in my life to even entertain the idea of taking any steps backward along my journey. I will not apologize for speaking my truth or being assertive in my communication style, and I will not allow someone to gaslight me into thinking I have somehow said something wrong simply because I expressed my feelings clearly and concisely, yet it was not what they wanted to hear or didn’t align with their agenda. If you are my friend – first and foremost – and I allow you to communicate your thoughts and feelings to me, I expect you to give me the common courtesy to do the same without getting irritated or angry with me. We don’t need to agree on everything and that's OK, but we do need to have mutual respect for one another. If you express your feelings to me about a particular topic, I will not judge you or get angry. Your feelings are yours and they are valid, and vice versa.
Being unapologetically me means I will not allow my feelings to be undermined or undervalued. It means I will not allow myself to be manipulated. It means I will continue to use my voice and will not apologize for speaking my truth, and you should do the same. Be unapologetically yourself. If you’re not quite sure how to do that, let me share a few habits that I picked up while learning to be unapologetically myself:
Be direct and to the point. If there is something you need to speak up about, think about what you really want to say and say it without all the fluff. Be clear and concise. If you’re still struggling with putting the words together, take a step back and think about what would happen if you stayed quiet and didn’t assert yourself. Would you miss out on an opportunity? How would that make you feel?
If it doesn’t bring you joy, don’t do it. Too many times, we say ‘yes’ to things we don’t really want to do. Why is that? Maybe we’re afraid that we’re going to disappoint someone? Or maybe we think that if we don’t say ‘yes’ to anything and everything, the invitations will dwindle down until they disappear entirely. Don’t waste your precious energy doing things that don’t set your heart and soul on fire. Save that energy for the things that truly fill you with joy.
Observe, don’t absorb. This one is all about detachment. You might not be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s OK. You don’t need to be. The trick is not to take it personally. Accept that not everyone will like you or agree with what you have to say. That doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person or that there’s something wrong with you. It just means that you’re not on the same wavelength as someone else. Accept your differences and go your separate ways.
Stay focused on your intention. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted by noise, drama, or feelings of doubt and insecurity. If you need or want something, stay focused on what that is and the plan that is going to get you there.
Recognize when something or someone is draining your energy and make a change. There will be times in your life when you meet people or are put in situations that deplete your energy and don’t fill you back up. It is your responsibility to recognize what is happening and put a stop to it.
I hope that as we settle into 2021, that we allow ourselves to become the best version of who we are meant to be, and that we learn to accept others without passing judgement or becoming so argumentative that we lose sight of what really matters - being kind to and respecting each other. Finally, if you’ve made it to the bottom of this post and for some reason you’re feeling personally attack, I encourage you to take some time to really think about why that is and decide to make some changes for the better.
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